HIP THERAPY MUSIC

Every year the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame’s nominee list gets under my skin and every year I promise myself that I’ll ignore it. Well… not so much. Here’s my list of WTF No’s, Quibbles and Hell Yeahs… and I especially like the Hell Yeahs!

“I always experience vein-bursting, sphincter-puckering conniption fits when the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame announces its annual inductees. That organization drives me nuts.” 

MY 2013 RRHOF INDUCTEE RANT

I often wonder what long strange trip the HOF’s nominating committee is on. Every year they nominate performers who, while talented and sometimes even noble, have NOTHING WHATSOVER TO DO WITH ROCK MUSIC. Let’s begin there…

WTF NO!: Dolly Parton, Dionne Warwick, Lionel Richie, Carly Simon, Fela Kuti

DOLLY PARTON: Let’s get this out of the way fast. I love Dolly and have seen her perform live. Twice. What she’s done for Covid vaccines alone should get her a Nobel Prize. But the RRHOF? No. Even WTF no.

DIONNE WARWICK: Same goes (double?) here. Love her stuff, especially with Burt Bacharach, but still… No. WTF. No.

LIONEL RICHIE: Respectfully, he hasn’t contributed to rock and roll since playing sax on “Brick House” with the Commodores. A great contribution, no doubt, and the Commodores were a commendable group, but they were not rock-and-roll enough to merit election into a hall of fame that celebrates, you know, rock and roll. WTF No.

CARLY SIMON: You might disagree but I don’t think she should be on the list either, and for the same reasons as Mr. Richie. Great, great stuff, and I do love that album cover, but when your album covers are more rock and roll than your songs, perhaps not. WTF No.

FELA KUTI: This seminal and uniquely talented Afro-beat artist falls under a unique heading for nominees: what I quietly refer to as the “We-Know-You-Won’t-Make-It-In-But-We-Want-To-Acknowledge-You-Anyway” category. This is one of the few noble things the Rock Hall does, by the way. In previous years, this has been the bastion of The Meters, Afrika Bambaata, Joe Tex, Los Lobos and Dick Dale — influential nominees who are still not in and deserve to be — as well as Sister Rosetta, Bill Monroe and Tom Waits, who have gotten in. ALL of these artists — in and out — deserve the tremendous acclaim that comes with a RRHOF nomination. Nominations, however, do not always lead to inductions. Thus, not all who are deserving of the Hall’s full recognition necessarily get it. Pity. Sadly, no.

QUIBBLES: Beck, Duran Duran, Eminem, A Tribe Called Quest

BECK: Love his diversity, influences and instincts but Beck’s not gonna get in. Not yet, anyway. In time, though….

EMINEM: More authentic than the politically out-of-favor train wreck Kid Rock, Eminem is a distinct possibility but… also, not yet.

DURAN DURAN: Though the Rock Hall has never shied away from pretty boys (I’m looking at you, Bee Gees) and teen idols (you, too, Rick Nelson), Duran Duran, even having sold tons of records, sadly lacks the gravitas the HOF prefers, so, not likely. Or I’m wrong. I’ve been crossed up on this idea before.

HELL YEAHS: Pat Benatar, Kate Bush, Devo, Eurythmics, Judas Priest, The MC5, The NY Dolls, Rage Against The Machine

PAT BENETAR: My personal criteria for HOF induction includes accomplishing at least one of three standards: an original sound, influence and respect amongst musicians that follow, or dominating a genre. Pat Benatar had all three. She was a survivor of the 80s rock and roll sausage farm. She worked ten times harder than male performers just to be heard, and — surprise surprise — managed to have hits. Lots of them. American girls dressed like her, talked like her, and most importantly, started performing because of her. Ab.So.Lutely.

KATE BUSH: Hers is much the same “triumph over testosterone” story as Benetar, just gentler and more mystic. She was a survivor of the 80s rock and roll sausage farm. She worked ten times harder than male performers just to be heard, and — surprise surprise — managed to have hits. Lots of them. UK girls dressed like her, talked like her, and most importantly, started performing because of her. Hell yeah!

DEVO: Much like Bowie, theses spuds were so far ahead of their time we’re still catching up. And the dysfunctional world mythology they created behind the band is becoming frighteningly real. An original sound, big hits that were hugely influential, the best in the genre (though perhaps the ONLY in the genre). When the subject of “cover songs” comes up, I always refer to their version of “Satisfaction.” THAT is how you do a cover song — they flat-out stole it from the Stones. Long overdue. Hell yeah!

EURYTHMICS: This duo represents a beautiful, fleeting moment in time where two geniuses (geneii?) crossed paths. Annie Lennox with her style, voice and look that took the world by storm, Dave Stewart with enough production chops in his little finger to embarrass most pros. Unique, inspiring, a legacy unmatched. Hell yeah!

JUDAS PRIEST: These guys just oughta be in the hall (Maiden, too, but that’s another conversation). I’m not particularly a fan but I know what this band did to my high-school cohorts back in the day: Priest rocked them, hard, and they loved the band for it. Influential as hell (despite that awful video that MTV beat to death) and a band at the top of its craft. Much respect. Hell yeah.

THE MC5/THE NEW YORK DOLLS: I’ll take these as a pair as together they are largely credited (thanks, Legs McNeil!) with creating the foundation of punk. Both rocked loud and hard, like nothing else on the horizon. Both took on the politics of the day, socially and otherwise. Each took huge risks to do so and in return they were… virtually forgotten (though that’s changing). Original, inspiring, at the top of their craft (on good nights), both bands should have been in long ago. I mean LONG AGO. Huge respect. Kick out the jams, Jet Boy… Hell yeah!

RAGE AGAINST THE MACHINE: This LA band brought back the best qualities of the MC5 while adding a hip-hop twist by way of Woody Guthrie. Go figure. Loud, talented and damn political, they fought the good fight and — I hope — have battled their way into the HOF. Hell to the yes!

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Of course, I could be completely full of shit. And why do I care so much about a hall of fame that includes both ABBA and Madonna in the name of rock music? Tell me and we’ll both know. Regardless, we’ll find out if I’m right about any of this in May when the inductees are finally announced.

Close your eyes. Open your mind.

Trust your ears.